FANDOM


First, let me thank the people of the Marvel, Riordan, Transcripts, and Marvel Cinematic Universe wikis. You all provide incredible resources for fanfiction writers and we couldn't do it without all of you.

May 2nd, 2015.

It was finally time for the party. The last few days had been awesome and I helped Maria a lot with her sexual frustration, and had been spending a lot of time with her, mostly having sex and hanging out together. I loved f**king her! She was insatiable and kept coming back for more and I kept giving her more until she eventually passed out. I made her dinner before sex, and breakfast before she left the next morning and she was loving the royal treatment, and I was enjoying giving it to her just as much. Maria was actually very fun to spend time with and I could see myself pursuing an actual relationship with her, I would need to have her youth restored or make her immortal if I did though. I honestly didn't see a largely sexual relationship going that direction, but I liked knowing all my options.

I had already been introduced to the others, and had already mimicked the knowledge of James Rhodes, Hawkeye, Sam Wilson, and Helen Cho. We all seemed to be getting along fairly well. I could tell the lovely Doctor Cho was sexually attracted to me and Thor, but I didn't share women, so she would have to choose between us. I'll admit that was arrogant, but I wasn't sorry.

"So I heard you broke Thor's nose?" Clint asked.

"Yeah, I was surprised. I thought I'd have to hit him much harder to do that, but apparently not. I just wish that I could have went all out without destroying the planet. I really need to find a way to a lifeless planet, so I have a place to fight my world-ending Death Matches." I replied, causing Clint to smirk in amusement.

"Why not have regular Death Matches?" Natasha asked, entering the conversation.

"I find regular Death Matches boring. I mean you get punched, you get kicked or shot. I just find that boring and need a real challenge, like someone who can control time, move inhumanely fast or is invulnerable."

"You have a strange idea of fun." Natasha replied in amusement.

"Well, I tried having sex 24/7 for an entire week, but the friction burn, tiredness, dehydration, soreness, and a lack of partners willing to try really left me with no other option." I replied, causing Clint to crack up and Natasha to smirk. "I managed to get a woman from saying, 'I think I'm in love' to 'stay the hell away me'. I'm not sure if that qualifies as a notable achievement, but my cousin thought I was a genius for discovering that."

"That's terrible!" Clint said, still laughing.

"And illogical! You would think you ruin a relationship by avoiding someone or being a jerk, not having sex constantly until they finally dump you!" I added, keeping Clint laughing, with Natasha joining him. "But, apparently it works, but I still got insulted when my cousin said it was so simple a mortal could do it." More laughter, but at me this time.

Eventually the three of us ran out of things to talk about and went to mingle with the others. I noticed Maria was almost finished with her drink, so I brought her another one, getting a grateful smile.

"Well, you know, the suit can take the weight, right? So I take the tank, fly it right up to the General's palace, drop it at his feet, I'm like, 'Boom! You looking for this?'" Stark and Thor just looked at him blankly "'Boom! Are you looking...' Why do I even talk to you guys? Everywhere else that story kills." Rhodes said.

"That's the whole story?" Thor asked.

"Yeah, it's a War Machine story." Rhodes replied. I remained silent. His story sucked.

"Well, it's very good then." He laughed "It's impressive."

"Quality save. So, no Pepper? She's not coming?" Rhodes asked.

"No." Stark replied.

"Hey, what about Jane? Where are the ladies, gentlemen?" Maria asked, causing me to discreetly smirk.

"Well, Miss Potts has a company to run."

"Yes, I'm not even sure what country Jane's in. Her work on the convergence has made her the world's foremost astronomer."

"And the company that Pepper runs is the largest tech conglomerate on earth. It's pretty exciting."

"There's even talk of Jane getting a... um, uh... Nobel prize."


"Yeah, they...they must be busy because they'd hate missing you guys get together." Maria mock coughed. "Testosterone! Oh, excuse me." I followed her away, I didn't wanna deal with those two anymore.

After spending most of the party figuring out how Bruce and Natasha would successfully have sex, and labeling it a lost cause, I joined the others in trying to lift Thor's hammer.

"But, it's a trick!" Clint said, referring to everyone trying to lift Mjolnir.

"Oh, no. It's much more than that." Thor replied.

"Uh, 'Whosoever be he worthy shall haveth the power!' Whatever man! It's a trick."

"It's just a worthiness enchantment, either your worthy or you aren't." I said in amusement. I loved watching people try to rationalize magic.

"Well please, be my guest." Thor replied.

"Come on." Stark said.

"Really?" Clint asked.

"Yeah!" Thor said, as Barton got up.

"Oh this is gonna be beautiful." Rhodes said.

"Clint, you've had a tough week, we won't hold it against you if you can't get it up." Stark said, I laughed along with the others.

"You know I've seen this before, right?" Barton said before grabbing Thor's hammer and failing to lift it. "I still don't know how you do it." He added.

"Smell the silent judgment?" Stark said.

"Please, Stark, by all means." Clint said, as Stark got up.

"Oh, here we go."

"Okay."

"Uh-oh."

"Um-hmm."

"Never one to shrink from an honest challenge."

"Get after it." Said Clint.

"Here we go." Natasha said.

"It's physics." Stark said ignorantly.

"Physics!" Banner exclaimed after Stark grasped Thor's hammer.

"Right, so, if I lift it, I...I then rule Asgard?" Stark asked.

"Yes, of course." Thor replied. That was dumb. Stark's far too immature.

"I will be re-instituting Prima Nocta." Stark said, to my disgust. Stark tried to lift the hammer but thankfully failed. "I'll be right back." He came back wearing his armored hand, Stark tried to lift the hammer again and failed. Wearing their armored hands, Stark and Rhodes both tried to lift Thor's hammer.

"Now who can't get it up? And with Rhodes helping you." I commented with a smirk, causing everyone but my victims to laughed.

Next up Bruce tried, even acting like he was going to transform. Steve made it budge a little, and then me...

I picked it up without any difficulty, feeling power course through me. It was addictive, and I wanted one. "Interesting... Worthiness Enchantment, grants someone nigh-limitless power, nigh-omnipotent control of weather; including lightning, barrier projection, energy sensing, energy absorption and redirection, ability to resurrect the dead, chronokinesis, and several other powers that I won't say. It's a masterpiece." I said, before sitting it back down.

"You actually managed to lift it. Impressive. I'm not sure about what all you said though." Thor said in confusion.

"I sensed the power inside it. Don't let an enemy get ahold of that, Thor, like ever. I haven't felt power like that since I returned Zeus' Masterbolt to him." I said, and Thor nodded in reply.

Everyone began speculating that it was rigged to disadvantage mortals, but Thor stood to retrieve his hammer.

"Yes, well that's, uh, those are very, very interesting theories. I have a simpler one." He lifted his hammer and flipped it "You're all not worthy." There was a chorus of disagreement from the others. There was a loud screeching noise, causing everyone to cover their ears. We let our hands down as it faded.

"Worthy... No... How could you be worthy? You're all killers." Some piece of junk looking robot said.

"Stark." Rogers said.

"JARVIS." Stark said.

"I'm sorry, I was asleep. Or...I was a-dream?" Scrapmetal said.

Stark tapped his device. "Reboot, Legionnaire OS, we got a buggy suit."

"There was a terrible noise...and I was tangled in... in...strings. I had to kill the other guy. He was a good guy." The walking junkpile said.

"You killed someone?" Rogers asked.

"Wouldn't have been my first call. But, down in the real world we're faced with ugly choices." Murderous, sentient junk pile said.

"Who sent you?" Thor asked.

It replayed Tony's voice. "I see a suit of armor around the world".

"Ultron!" Bruce called out.

"In the flesh. Or, no, not yet. Not this...chrysalis. But I'm ready. I'm on a mission." The now named Ultron said.

"What mission?" Natasha asked.

"Peace in our time." Ultron said. Suddenly the Iron Legion bots smashed through the walls and attacked the team. I flashed on my armor and began fighting, I blasted one that was almost on Natasha into nothing and cut another in half. I quickly blasted five into slag with lightning from my finger tips before picking up dozens and telekinetically crushing them. We quickly defeated the robots, and I had played a major part.

"That was dramatic! I'm sorry, I know you mean well. You just didn't think it through. You want to protect the world, but you don't want it to change. How is humanity saved if it's not allowed to...evolve?" Ultron picked up one of the dismembered Iron Legions. "With these? These puppets? There's only one path to peace: The Avengers' extinction." Thor suddenly threw his hammer at Ultron and smashed him to pieces. After Thor destroyed his body, Ultron began singing. "I had strings, but now I'm free. There are no strings on me, no strings on me."

In the lab...

"All our work is gone. Ultron cleared out, used the internet as an escape hatch." Bruce said.

"He's been in everything. Files, surveillance. Probably knows more about us than we know about each other." Natasha said.

I was glad that I was a new addition to the Avengers and joined under a false name. Hell, my private island is incredibly well protect and even Maria didn't know it's location to the paranoid levels of defenses I placed on it.

"He's in your files, he's in the internet. What if he decides to access something a little more exciting?" Rhodes suggested.

"Nuclear codes." Maria and I said at the same time, before looking at each other in embarrassment.

"Aw, that's cute." Stark said, teasing us, and causing a few Avengers to chuckle. I gave him a murderous glare that scared the hell out of him.

"Nuclear codes. Look, we need to make some calls, assuming we still can." Rhodes suggested.

"Nukes? He said he wanted us dead." Natasha said.

"He didn't say dead. He said extinct." Rogers said, correcting her.

"He also said he killed somebody." Clint said, to my concern.

"But there wasn't anyone else in the building." Maria said, unknowingly drawing my attention to her injury. I quickly healed it, earning myself another thankful look.

"Yes, there was." Stark said, before bringing up the now destroyed 3D image of JARVIS' consciousness.

I rolled my eyes, if an AI was the only casualty then we were doing better than expected.

"This is insane." Banner interjected.

"JARVIS was the first line of defense. He would've shut Ultron down, it makes sense." Rogers said.

"No, Ultron could've assimilated Jarvis. This isn't strategy, this is...rage." Banner said, before Thor suddenly grabbed hold of Stark by his throat and held him up.

"Easy, Thor. We need the arrogant prick to defeat Ultron."

"Thanks, Percy, love you too, man." Stark said sarcastically.

"Uh huh. Well, I think we need to bring toys into the relationship." I said, earning light laughter, before withdrawing one of my creations. "These are objects designed to install mental limits, IE concealing certain dangerous knowledge, and an inactive object designed to punish murderers." I quickly placed them on Stark. "After Ultron is beaten, they will prevent you from recreating such things and punish you when you do. The punishment is feeling the pain of your victims."

"Damn!" Several people exclaimed.

"Don't worry. They can be easily removed and if enough people support that, after Ultron's dealt with, I will."

"Thor, the Legionaire?" Rogers asked.

"Trail went cold about a hundred miles out but it's headed north, and it has the scepter. Now we have to retrieve it, again." Thor said in reply.

"The genie's out of that bottle. Clear and present is Ultron." Natasha said.

"I don't understand. You built this program. Why is it trying to kill us?" Dr. Cho asked, and for some reason Stark started laughing, Banner was subtly shaking his head at him to get him to stop.

"You think this is funny?" Thor asked angrily.

"No. It's probably not, right? Is this very terrible? Is it so...is it so...it is. It's so terrible." Stark said.

"This could've been avoided if you hadn't played with something you don't understand." Thor said.

"No, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It is funny. It's a hoot that you don't get why we need this." Stark replied.

"Tony, maybe this might not be the time to..." Banner said in warning.

"Really?! That's it? You just roll over, show your belly, every time somebody snarls." Stark said.

"Only when I've created a murder bot." Banner said in reply.

"We didn't. We weren't even close. Were we close to an interface?" Stark argued.

"Well, you did something right. And you did it right here. The Avengers were supposed to be different than SHIELD." Rogers said, critically.

"Anybody remember when I carried a nuke through a wormhole?" Stark asked.

"Don't bring up past glories to distract from your colossal f**k-up." I said in annoyance, causing a few Avengers to smirk.

"The point is," Stark began, after glaring at me. "We're the Avengers. We can bust arms dealers all the live long day, but, that up there? That's...that's the end game. How were you guys planning on beating that?"

"Together." Rogers replied.

"We'll lose." Stark replied.

"Then we'll do that together, too." Rogers said. Stark looked at him for a moment before turning away. "Thor's right. Ultron's calling us out. And I'd like to find him before he's ready for us. The world's a big place. Let's start making it smaller."

Hours later...

"He's all over the globe. Robotics labs, weapons facilities, jet propulsion labs, reports of a metal man, or men, coming in and emptying the place." Maria said.

"Fatalities?" Rogers asked in visible concern.

"Only when engaged. Mostly guys left in a fugue state going on about old memories, worst fears, and something too fast to see." Maria replied.

"Maximoffs. Well, that makes sense he'd go to them, they have someone in common." Rogers said.

"Not anymore." Maria replied, handing him a tablet showing a photo of Strucker's dead body with the word PEACE written in blood on the wall next to him.

"He must have known something, this killing makes no sense; unless it was merely an act of hate, rage, or self-righteous wrath." I said, in observation. "Do we have a list of known associates?"

"Yes, but only physical files." Maria said, before gesturing for Steve and I to follow her.

We arrived near the files a minute later, and I quickly went through names.

"Aw, shit." I said minutes later.

"What?" Stark asked.

"Ulysses Klaue. Operates of the African coast, black market arms dealer, and currently has billions in Vibranium which was stolen from Wakanda." I said, earning suspicious looks from several Avengers. "I was gonna take it from him, and charge Wakanda a fifty-million dollar fee for recovery. I estimated that it would take a few days, and that was great pay and a once in a lifetime opportunity." I lied. I was gonna sale it on the black market under another alias.

"Where is this guy now?" Rogers asked, following my line of thought.

"No clue." I replied.

"I was asking Stark..."

"That makes more sense, my bad." I said, causing several people snicker.

"I know where he is, lets get ready to go." Stark said,

I flashed on my armor and went to wait by the Quinjet. I was quite proud of my armor, I designed it to incorporate modern and ancient forms of combat. It had gun holsters on each leg, optional machine guns that I could flash on to replace my shield. It was almost completely indestructible and was suitable for almost every kind of warfare except for cyber and biological, and I didn't even care for the latter. I shook myself from my musings as the other Avengers neared the Quinjet.

Line break-remove text and replace.

We arrived near Ultron, at just the right time to hear him call Stark a sickness. I was beginning to agree with that assessment.

"Ahh, Junior." Stark said, entering with Thor, Steve, and I behind him. "You're gonna break your old man's heart."

"If I have to." Ultron replied.

"We don't have to break anything." Thor said, trying to avoid a fight.

"Clearly you've never made an omelet." Ultron said, causing me to smirk.

"He beat me by one second."

"Slowing down is part of aging, Stark." I said, with false solemnity, causing the Maximoffs and Thor to smirk. I also took this time to begin copying the knowledge of Klaue's minions. Already made billions, goody.

"Ah, this is funny, Mr. Stark. It's what, comfortable? Like old times?" Pietro said.

I was just wondering why he called him Mr. Stark. It sounded too respectful.

"This was never my life."

"You two can still walk away from this." Rogers said to the twins.

"Oh, we will." Wanda replied.

"I know you've suffered." Rogers continued, trying to get through to them.

"Uuughh! Captain America. God's righteous man, pretending you could live without a war. I can't physically throw up in my mouth, but..." Ultron said.

"If you believe in peace, then let us keep it." Thor interjected.

"I think you're confusing peace with quiet."

"Yuh-huh. What's the Vibranium for?"

"I'm glad you asked that, because I wanted to take this time to explain my evil plan!" Ultron said, before we were suddenly attacked by the Iron Legion, and Stark attacked Ultron.

I sighed and began obliterating the Legionaires, en masse. I crushed them with telekinesis, blasted them with lightning, cut and tore them apart, until there were finally none left. I moved on to deal with Klaue and his lackeys.

And then the Maximoff girl tried messing with my mind. I casually knocked her aside with an electrokinetic blast, but her brother quickly rescued her.

I picked up a disturbance at the edge of my telepathic range, and inspected it.

"Damn, the Hulks went berserk. I'm heading out to confront him, I'll focus on calming and containing first." I said, before flying towards Johannesburg. No one disagreed, so we must have lost this one.